They are talking about some elfies…

“Yo, Granny! I mean “hello!”

“Hello, my Child! Child, I must ask you something… The other day I could not quite understand something on the news… They caught this man with the muscles… The Terminanator…

“Arnold Schwarzeneger”

“Yes, the very same. So he was riding a bicycle way too quickly in Munich and so a policeman stopped him. Arnold suggested to the policeman some kind of elf, they said elfie and then they showed a picture of both of them. But there was no elf whatsoever!”

”Selfie, Granny, selfie. Comes from “self” – picture of the self, self-picture, auto-picture. I know you also used to do this with the old, heavy camera of Grandpa. There was a film, !manual! focus distance… It wasn’t that modern. Selfies are super cool!”

“What is the purpose, the meaning of these selfies?”

“What do you mean?!? Like everything we do nowadays, the meaning is BIG!”

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”One – you skip the inconvenience of asking somebody to take a picture of you. Two – you can take it from various angles – it does look sexy and more arty!Three – You do it where you want it and the way you want it. The whole camera is yours! Selfies became so popular that they transformed to groupies. It originates from the combination of selfie + group = groupie. Linguistic kind of maths! Like you used to form various names like Ana-Maria. 

Anyway, the selfie stick is the best friend of the groupies. Also an ultra long hand would do. You fit the phone into the frame, press the button and voila’ – there is the picture that fits all of us!”

“Does it happen immediately, at that very moment, through the phone?”

“Sure!”

“Let me try now…” (pressing buttons on the landline)

“Granny, Granny! Are you trying to take a selfie with the landline? You must use a mobile phone with a camera for that!”

“Ah, is that so, Child? I pressed so many buttons to no avail… No picture! I was so longing to take one granie for you!”

 

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What does ‘online work’ mean, my Child?

Greetings Granny!

Do you recall when you almost forced me reading poetry “in a more expressive way”, getting to the heart of every word? Or when you chased me to read the short stories of Guy de Maupassant? Then you were trying to teach me ethics: how I should behave. Kindness and all. Whom to say what so the end goal is well… what I would like to get. And of course you were always encouraging me to save paper when I write (I believe these were the rudiments of Twitter). All these things have helped me a great deal in my daily job. I write, Granny! But I am not exactly a writer. I write short things so that I “push” people to do what I want… Trying out a new product, downloading an ebook…

To put it in simple, old-school terms, I work as a writer-herald. I write things related to marketing, sales or something more… hm… altruistic that gives some kind of knowledge to the people whom I am trying to entice (the target audience so to speak!). This is what a Copywriter is.

“And so, do you take pleasure in what you do? Do you get along with your colleagues? Keep your job safe, my child, always on your guard… Be kind! You never know when you will need somebody’s help!”

“OK, Granny, but you need to know something – I do not work in an office!”

“How come? In a factory then?!?”

“No, I am working … remotely. From home. Or elsewhere. I open my laptop and I get in touch with my colleagues via the Internet. Thanks to some programs and gadgets, we can talk, discuss projects, and I can do it from anywhere. It is very convenient. Sometimes I am even in my pyjamas. Or swimming suit.”

“And everything happens through the computer?”

“Yes, everything. Even when somebody cracks a joke in the chat, I start laughing…at the screen. The chat, Granny, is something that lets me write messages which you can get immediately. It is like some express pigeon carrier with super powers!!! Now, emoticons (emotional + icons) are the pictures that can be sent along with words through these messages. For instance this “: p” looks like 😛 in the chat. Thus you can express an emotion through a picture. As communication nowadays frequently happens online, emoticons help us to decode the tone of voice used. To give you an example: Some guy is cracking an inappropriate joke to a girl. The girl writes to him “You are such an idiot :P”. The emoticon at the end actually encourages his idiocy. Very subtle, eh?! If it were without a smile, it would have meant an offence. The unwritten rules, Granny! 😉

To me it seems a lot easier than your serenades, letters, walks and talks with parents. So much effort just to end up eating beans together, doing laundry and potentially growing tomatoes.”

“Ah, you, silly child :P“

What is a blog, Child?

”What is this block, child? Which number?”

It’s a blog, Granny. Blog stands for a letter addressed to many people around the world. Is it not way too extrovert? Perhaps even a little exhibitionist-like? Yep! But who cares? We love to be liked. We are crazy about it! With time less and less people physically come to say “I like this!” But they all give an unambiguous sign. You used to clap to say “well done”. We are much more sophisticated and minimalistic. We just put a big thumb up. Through the computer, yes! Cool, right? So we do not need to put extra time into wording and unnecessary communication! This thumb up is the haiku of all gestures! It just says so much! 

And so this is why I am writing a blog. To let everyone to whoop it up.

I hope this blog will get to where you ARE, as I’d love to carry on chatting to you (or have a tête-à-tête, as you used to say).

Since you went away, many things have changed. You have no idea! So I am going to throw some light. I will be writing to you about all these fancy new terms with which you could not quite happen to meet. This will be the lingo of your grandchildren. In my opinion, the gap, no the void, between the generations has never been larger. History repeats itself, but in a bit more cruel way. One generation takes care of another, so that the new generation learns more and becomes “better”. Interestingly, when it gets “better”, it opposes all the well-known questions (“Have you eaten?”, “When will you come back home?” etc.) with rage. The “better” generation shouts down the care shown from the “not-that-good-generation” by saying: “You understand nothing! I will check when I get there and will Instagram it later.”(Instagram is nothing related to food, Granny. Besides you seeing “gram” in it. I will explain it soon.)

At times I think you did well you went away. I am not sure you would have liked or understood this new world. We are exchanging photos with Mum and Dad via the phone. If you were alive, I would have probably printed them for you. Or would have said: “Oh, leave it, it doesn’t matter, that’s just a groupie we did with some fr on FB.”

I would have probably mocked you from time to time that you know little of the modern jargon. If you knew how to use the Internet, you’d probably send me this:

“To my children:

Never make fun of having to help me with computer stuff. I taught you how to use a spoon.”

#youareverycoolGranny #spoton #lol

If you feel a bit perplexed and you think most of my sentences are spelling mistakes, worry not! This is just a tiny portion of the things that have changed since you are gone. And because of our love, I will help all elderly people who are willing to learn and thus be closer to their children and grandchildren. Technology should not be demonised. It empowers us a lot, if used with the right intentions…and moderately.

I will tell you about the new ways in communication, the attitudes and the relations. When you feel out of place, just ask me here. If you need anything explained, please ask.

I am your digital granddaughter, in good and bad times. In new and old times.

I love you, Granny! Only this hasn’t changed since you went away…