“Hi, Child! I always forget to ask you whether you got a reference letter from your previous job… With a stamp and everything, so you are safe.”
“Hi Granny! No need of a stamp actually. Today I will tell you more about LinkedIn. This is a website with online profiles (like a CV), where you have to list your studies, your present and past work experience; it is also the place where colleagues can recommend you. There is your picture on it, you could take a look at other peoples’profiles and even hunt for a job Lots of companies have a LinkedIn profile. It is where they share firm news. They also hire people based on what their LinkedIn profile says.”
“But why do you call it a ‘profile’ and not full face?”
“It’s like asking why you are saying that you met Grandpa in your stream…”
“I see nothing wrong with that, he was in the same stream…”
“Yes, Granny, but it sounds weird. As if you met in the woods and not in university…I shall carry on: In LinkedIn everyone can recommend everyone for a certain skillset.”
“Who can see that?”
“Everyone to whom you send a link to your personal profile, or who finds you on the Internet. Thus, when you apply for a job, this is your sort of business card with references.”
“So what happens if somebody writes something bad for you? Can you delete it somehow?”
“Similar to the obituary: everyone used to be the perfect husband, there was no unfaithful wife, no father-alcoholic, no mother who used to cook so bad that is it beyond description… In LinkedIn there is not a bad professional! Every reference goes through your approval first before it becomes visible to the rest of the world.”
“It seems to me that this is only favourable to those looking for a job and a bit unfair to those searching for people with real skills. It is important to be earnest in these things…”
“Ah, Granny, good that you are mentioning that. Do you recall Oscar Wilde’s play “The importance of being earnest”? The word play starts from the very title, as it turns out Earnest is also the name able to win women’s admiration“
“So why word play is tolerable in literature, in theatre, in flirting, but is not in our online CV?”
“Because you must be responsible and serious! It is not good to lie!”
“Yes, Granny, but they also lie in their job descriptions. I’ll prove it to you!”
Spectacular team: Meaning spectacularly unbearable. As if they are selected with a special test for idiocy. Team meetings often start with some inspiring bullshit from Paolo Coelho (best-case scenario)and end up with Natalia Kobilkina (brimming with wisdom, Cicero’s descendant).
Intriguing salary: Whereas the only intriguing thing about my salary is the lacking zero at the end… Foreign companies in Sofia have come to the conclusion that they should not pay for our knowledge but for our location… Thus my knowledge costs less in Sofia than in the UK. Fair, eh?
“Opportunity for growth”: Maximum one poorly executes workshop. Meanwhile the only development we become witnesses of, is the love story between colleagues, who hide in such a masterful way, that we all know about them being together…
“Opportunity to freely generate ideas” and here comes the little, invisible font:”As long as these ideas overlap with the greedy, narrow minded boss” (9 out of 10 cases)
“So Granny, let’s not talk about the importance of being Earnest in job hunting. I am Angelina, and this is pretty enough for me. :-)”
Granny smiles here. I know her well, so I am sure she does.